2018 has been challenging but great at the same time. Not only that, it changed my view on things that actually lead to happiness This year has opened my eyes on things I should be focusing this coming 2019.

I've been going on a self-reflection journey for the past couple of months. Looking back on things I have done right or wrong for this year. It has been an eye opener to not just me but the whole family. I have discovered so many things in life that surprises me. Plus, to get myself prepared to brace the new year.

I wanted 2019 to solely focus on things that really matters. With all this in mind, I guess I do not have time to think of other matters, which I think is good. When you have too much time in hand, your mind starts to wander off. That is why sometimes you're unable to achieve your goals. You're too distracted. I want to focus on positive things. Surround myself with good vibes only. Taking negative things that I consider as learning curve. Part and parcel of life which I cannot avoid and everyone of us knows that life consist of black and white, yin and yang, ups and downs, left and right. They come hand in hand and it is a matter of balancing both sides. You can't avoid them.

I realized that the smallest and simplest thing in life holds the biggest part in our heart. I learn to be grateful in many ways. I compare myself with people who are less fortunate and yet I complained so much. So what more do I want?

We're moving to a new house next year, insyaallah and I thought this is the best time for me to start fresh. Reorganize my entire life and future.

This year has been so good that we can only thank God for all the blessings and rezeki that me and Juan received. We were so overwhelming with what has happened in 2018. In a positive perspective. So for 2019, I thought it would be fair for me to repay His kindness by doing myself a favor in learning how to be a better Muslim, in every sense. It has to start with ourselves la kan.

I need to learn to sometimes pause and take 1 step back so that my mind is not overwhelmed with too many things. Being a working mum is hard. You have to juggle between your day time job and being a mum/wife. Sometimes you forget that your family is not your subordinates.

Ever since Isa came into our life, he taught me the meaning of patience. A meaning  I could not grasp before I had him. He also taught me to be very,very grateful with everything and anything I have in my life. Simple thing like giving him my pots and pans to play, he is already happy. I used to seek happiness in materials. It made me believe that the more materials you have, the more happier you'll be. The more friends you have, the better your support system is. But Isa change my perception of happiness. It's about simplicity. A really simple life because logically, at the end of your life, the only thing that you will bring together with you are your deeds.

One of the many videos I have watched recently, below is one of my favorite. How this refugee family see the simplest thing in their everyday life as something they treasure. I learn to appreciate the smallest thing I have in my possession. No matter how small they are because you might have something that other people have been longing to experience it like peace and safe. It's a very general word but to some extend, it means the world for others. Watch it and you'll understand why

So for 2019, I only wish the best for me and my family, travel more, spend quality time with people that matters, take time to reflect, be a good person, be humble, be grateful, take a step back when I feel overwhelmed and tak mau mengumpat orang dah (nie susah skit la *laughing*). And for this, I wish nothing but the best to everyone and Happy New Year.

This post was drafted while I was watching #engkauyangkupanggilibu Ariani Mother's Day campaign.

I rarely take photos with my mum. But I do have many photos with her as a kid. I have always talk about my dad. But behind the scene, my mum is the person who make sure that everything in the house run smoothly. From preparing our meals to sending us to school. Everything has to be done by her. This is because my dad were not at home, due to work commitment that requires him to travel. So basically it was only me, my sister and mum. Mum has been managing everything on her own. Dari drive kereta to riding bike to send me to music school. Jatuh motor pun ade but nothing serious.

My mum  doesn't really give in, in arguments. I definitely took her trait too. Stubborn. So most of the time, her children and husband will have to give in. Despite all that, mum has been working real hard. To make sure that the household is managed properly. She makes sure that everything is in order, until today.

Even when I have a kid now, she would call to ask if there's any help needed. What her cucu eat, how's his nursery, has he bathed, etc.

We fought a lot during my teenage years. We couldn't really see eye to eye. It was so bad to a point that my dad has to come back to resolve the issue. I couldn't understand the things that my mum had to do or imposed on me because at that point, it felt like I was being tied down, not being able to have the freedom to express myself. Everything has to be done in a certain way.

It was then.... But today, I started to understand all the rules and regulations that my parents enforced on me. It was to make sure that I do not deter from my purpose and goal, being disciplined. I bet if it's not because of my parents being strict on me, I wouldn't be where I am today. I may or may not understand why, but one thing for sure, I'm so grateful for those beating I got from my parents, especially from Cik Timah :-)

You may not understand why you have curfews, why you can't go out with that hot dude from school, why you have to go extra tuition, why your pocket money can't be increase, why this and why that. But believe me, you'll thank your mum once you've grown up and have a family of your own. For now, just tahan je....

Happy Mother's Day, mummy....

So what has changed for the past 1 year?

The obvious change is that he starts recognizing people, he speaks baby languages, he understand simple instructions like sit, pick up, lay down, nenen, sayang, thank you, give. He also developed 8 teeth in total starting when he was around 9 months and starts walking in the same month. Yeap, he is definitely a fast learner.

Work - It has been so hectic to the point I just fell sick over and over again. At one point, I told Juan that I felt like admitting myself to the hospital. Because for as long as I'm out and going to work, people expect you to perform. Well, I'm no human and I have my meltdowns.

Home - Housework has been piling up even since #babyjedi stays with us. It's either I have to wash his never ending laundry or my own laundry. Juan has to wake up super early every morning to prepare #babyjedi and my breakfast, his nursery necessities, milk, snacks and get his son ready (it's a constant struggle to wake this little boy up!!) for school. I guess his struggle to wakeup early morning was inherited from my genes. Hahahahaha

To be honest, Isa has been a fast learner baby since birth. However his weight was never an ideal one.Although he is a fully breastfeed baby, he doesn't have that 'Michelin' body. His favorite was strawberry but not any ordinary strawberry but Korean Sweet strawberries that cost RM19.99 per packet. No matter how sick he feels, he has never said NO to his strawberries. #kidnowadays

On the other note, I've been looking forward to see #babyjedi everyday after work.Picking him up from the nursery has been an exciting thing to do.The feeling of seeing your baby after a stressful day at work is just a wonderful feeling. It makes your hard work feel so worthy.

I can't believe that Isa is now 1 year old. Time definitely flew sooo fast. When I scroll his pictures on my phone, it felt like yesterday we got discharged from the hospital. I hope he'll grow up to be a great man.......

I often forget that July is a special month for the 2 most important person in my life. It's the birthday of my dad and Juan. Last year, I forgot Juan's birthday and remembered only after about 2 weeks
 -___-' . He gave me a black face for the whole week and I had to hear him ungkit for the next few weeks after that. Gosh.

And today, I knew my dad's birthday when I saw a notification on my Skype. Goodness sake. Previously I never remember anyone's birthday except for my sister and myself. Don't ask me why but I just can't remember.

My dad is a very very very simple person and my sister and I often tell everything to my dad. From education, movies, politics, boys, we talk almost anything and everything with him. Although he travels most of his life and stays far away from the family, we never felt the distance cause he's constantly catching up on us.

This year is extra special cause my dad is celebrating his birthday as a first time grand dad. Hahahaha.

So here a shout out to the hero of my life. Happy Birthday daddy. Semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki and diberikan kesihatan yang baik untuk jaga cucu yang baru nak tumbuh gigi *laugh*

So this year will be my first year and first time celebrating Mother's Day. It didn't hit me in the head that I'll be one of the million mothers around the world being celebrated until a few days before. I was excited, not to mention happy too. Although #babyjedi couldn't talk yet but I know he wished me telepathically 😃 .

Anywho, I was in my hometown the week of Mother's Day, so practically we had 2 mums in the house (me and my mum). I wanted to have KFC while my mum wanted pizza. We had to choose and I think you know where we headed. Obviously mummy Timah has made her decision, so no one can say 'No'.

It was just the 4 of us as Juan stayed back in Penang. Got a call from Dianah, wishing me 'Happy Mother's Day, kak'. It was really surreal being able to celebrate this special occasion at last. For all the hard work mothers had to do, difficulties mothers had to deal with especially working mums out there.

#babyjedi is turning 4 months in a few weeks time. I can't believe that he's that big already. I remember feeling labor pain like yesterday. He's in the talking phase now so it's fun to have conversation with him cause he's a smiling baby too. Not to mention throwing tantrum every time during his nap time. Other than that, whenever you talk to him, he smiles. How can I not melt ☺

We didn't took any photo of the celebration cause were too busy attending to #babyjedi cause he was crying all over the restaurant cause it was past his bedtime and daddy was panic that he choke on his tea -__-'. What a drama...

So I was invited by my Communication team in my company to contribute a short article on how is it like to be born and raised in a multicultural family background. To be honest, it was something that I have been waiting throughout my working experience to write something like this.

Well, growing up in a family of mix cultural background is no different with other families. The only thing different is that tolerant, understanding, respect, and patience are the key essentials. There are 2 different religion under one roof so logically you think that there'll be clash of interest or dispute on how should we celebrate Chinese New Year especially when it comes to reunion dinner. It wasn't an easy journey at first for my parents but patience was the only thing that came across my parent's mind at that time until I was born, everything changed. See, cucu can make a whole lot of different :-)

Simple. Previously we used to book halal restaurants or 8 course dining at hotels. As the price keeps increasing, we resulted in organizing our own bbq or hot pot at my uncles's place. Each bbq pit or hot pot will be divided into 2 parts. One is halal and another is non-halal. The halal part is definitely for me and my family, obviously kan. Duhhh. The ingredients were also halal. So it wasn't a problem for us.

I'm quite lucky compared to some families because my dad and his siblings were brought up in a Malay kampung. So understanding some of the basic dos and don'ts in Islam is not something we need to explain to them cause they already know. Even when there's death in the family, we visited too cause it was with pure intention because they're family regardless of which religion or race you come from.

A change of religion doesn't mean you disown your family. No, it's not. In my case, me and cousins were very close from young until most of us were married and have our own commitment but we still say Hi to each other once in a while or a family gathering during festive season. It's very interesting to have different culture in your family, you get to learn each other's culture especially when it comes to FOOD!

As I mentioned previously, RESPECT is important. Don't let your ego get in your way. I mean thinking that 'Why should I follow your way?'. It's about taking in the bad and the good. No one's perfect so best is to embrace and enjoy. It's a unique experience and I will definitely pass it down to my kids.

Ok back to the main subject. I'm turning 9 months in a week time and that marks the almost-the-end journey of my pregnancy and where the WAITING games starts. You know what, I felt some mild contraction while waiting for everyone to arrive yesterday as parking was a problem at the cafe so we decided to carpool. It was an uncomfortable feeling. It feels like you're having your usual period cramp. I think so, cause I never had cramps before. I was indecisive to whether cancel the whole plan or just to go ahead with it. But at the back of my mind, there was a 50-50 chance of me getting into labor this soon cause doctor has been giving me positive feedback on my pregnancy growth. So I don't see anything unusual signs kicking in. But hey, you never know if this little one decided to join in the celebration too.

My feet starts to swollen but it's not obvious cause I have what they call it, 'kulit nipis' so you can't differentiate it. But my fingers are slightly swollen that I can't actually fit into my engagement ring but I force it in too -__- . It feels weird to have bare fingers without anything on it. Baby starts to stretch a lot in the tummy because of the limited space he has in my uterus. Has been actively stretching in the day as well as during my bed time. He is soooo active that I hardly have enough sleep for the past few weeks. So I became a Sleeping Beauty the next day.

If you ask me what do I feel now? One word, NERVOUS. As I do not know what to expect, I'm focusing on reading and researching on how to control my breathing to ease the contraction pain and not being panic when the day comes. But sometimes, I just don't want to think about it and just think about it later when it is time for labor. I always pray my labor will be as smooth as my pregnancy journey. I can't be more grateful than having a great pregnancy experience throughout these 9 months. I've been blessed with a great health and just normal morning sickness. My journey was not as bad as some mummy-to-be who had to endure severe morning sickness or other symptoms through their 9 months of bearing their child.



It's weird how God can turn something bad into good in a matter of time. It's a mystery. And this pregnancy has taught to be even more grateful with what I have and what I've been blessed with. I learn to see the small things or small events as blessing in disguise. I see who my real friends are and what they meant to me. I learn how to appreciate my mum even more thinking of the hardship that she had to go through in raising her family, now that I'm becoming a mummy myself. I realized it wasn't easy and sometimes I take her for granted. I learn to appreciate my marriage even more than it was last time. I learn that you can't do everything by yourself cause you're not a Superwoman. You are at your weakest when you're pregnant, as you're not able to do and move like you were childless.

When you're pregnant, it makes you realize that the world is not as complicated as you thought. It's how you perceive the world. All that matter was your family and you want the best for them. Nothing else matters. Having a kid is a LIFETIME commitment. You can't undo what have been done. It's not like buying a car or getting a house. I've always thought that I will never be ready to raise a child but then again, if you were to wait, you'll never be ready for anything in life. It takes COURAGE to start something and you have to start somewhere right. Am I ready for a marriage last time? No, I wasn't. Everyone knows that MARRIAGE is a gamble but it's one of the many risk that you take in life. You'll never learn if you don't make mistake. But you know, I'm very happy and grateful that I have such great husband who never complains, a great mum and dad and a sister who always there to listen. Yes, we do fought at times but fighting means you get to learn more about them. You get to align everyone in the same goal and objectives.

Pregnancy also taught me to not take things or people for granted. It makes you feel humble. It makes you feel that life is soooo fragile that good things can be taken away from you anytime. I feel so bless to be able to carry this little one for a whole of 9 months. It changed me into a better person and taught me to be humble and patience and that you don't have control over everything. Yes, pregnancy really test your patience -__- You don't lose anything by being a nice person. Instead you gain more in life.

At the end of the day, whether you're pregnant or not, you have the choice to be who you want to be. The decision you make today will definitely have an impact on you in your next 50 years. So don't wait until it's too late to be a good person.

Well, at some point in life you think you've lost your best friend because you used to be on constant meet up and phone calls. But as you grow up, phone calls becomes lesser, let alone a message.

A real friend is never lost. When you need them, they'll appear. Just like fairy god mother. The definition of best friend is when you feel sad, you best friend comfort you and gives you pep talk. When you're in trouble, she gets into trouble TOGETHER with you. She doesn't judge you when the world seems to walk away from you. She stood by you through storm and rain. You both fought and make up. Best friends always seem to have something to talk about. Even when both are in silent mode, your body language does the talking.

I have a best fiend since high school and although we stay far from each other and rarely see each other, We've never actually lost in touch. Whenever I need her, she always there for me. Vice versa. She's the definition of a real bestie. We don't say 'I love you' in front of each other but through messages. Ego I guess or something that we're not used to. But what's important, I know that she's there when I need her.

It's hard to come by true friend nowadays. People are becoming more materialistic. They don't go the extra mile for a friend. They leave when things are hard.

Dear Alla,
Thank you for being a sister and family to me. Thank you for all the trouble we got together, all the wild night we had. Most importantly, thank you for being the best of friend to me when no one else did.

For more details on SAFI Sahabat Sejatiku, visit their Facebook page here.

As I mentioned in the previous post, this year's Syawal is a special one for me cause after 7 years, we decided to celebrate Hari Raya in Singapore with the rest of our extended family members. Plus my dad agreed to tag us along this time which makes it extra special.

It was definitely the highlight of 2016. Reminiscing old memories where we used to ride on my uncle's lorry to go beraya. It was definitely fun. Although the gathering was not complete but I can still feel the warmth and I managed to slot in some time to meet other cousins especially the ones I grew up with and those missing in the gathering

I could see that everyone are no longer the small little cousin that I used to walk hand in hand with. They're all now young adults. Dah tahu pakai makeup, dress up, style pun dah lain. Cepat betul membesar. Made me feel so old -__-'

This time around, we didn't had the time to go for shopping. This trip is dedicated specifically for Hari Raya. Instead we focus on beraya from house to house. Tapi poket sakitla. We visited my grandma's, my uncles and aunties and a few of my cousins. It was good to catch up with each other like the good old days. Had lontong in almost every house we visited but sadly I didn't had my kuah kacang this year. My aunt and my mum cooked ayam merah, nasi minyak and rendang daging for everyone. They cooked the night before and brought it over to grandma's place the next afternoon.

Oooohh, I had the chance to fly with Tiger Air for the first time. They had this cheap tickets a few months ago so I thought why not. I've been flying with Jet Star for the past few years of my travel to Singapore.

We're left with a few more days to go before the big E comes knocking. Are you excited as I am? I know you do.

As some would have known, my mum is a Singaporean born and she's a hardcore Singaporean at heart although living in Malaysia for many many years.

When we were younger, we celebrate Hari Raya in Singapore every year but as me and my sister grew up, we can't find the time to go back anymore. We have different holidays because I just started work and my my sis has her tuition and all. So it has been around 7 years since the last Aidilfitri.

So for this year, I decided to bring my parents to Singapore to celebrate Hari Raya with other extended family. Memang meriah and I know my mum couldn't be more than happy because she could meet all her family on a special day (crying because of the currency exchange -__-). One of the strong reason why I wanted to celebrate there is because of my grandmother. She's around 90 years old and I never know when will be her last Aidilfitri with her children, cucu and relatives. I've lost my grandmother (dad's mum) because I was too into my work that I skipped my Chinese New Year holiday on the same year she was gone. So I didn't want my mum to feel the same way. The regret that follows you forever.