The last weekend was a much awaited weekend. You know why? *cough*. Me and Juan turned 1. Now I can be like those people on FB posting 'Terima kasih sayang kerana menyayangi diri ini bla bla bla bla'. No, I don't do that.

I have booked a night stay at the Copthorne Orchid Hotel a month before our anniversary date. Because it was a school holiday, I'd thought it's better to book a room earlier. To my disappointment, the hotel wasn't what I expected. From the receptionist to the condition of the hotel although the exterior of the hotel looks exclusive. I expected a squeaky clean bathroom with different selection of coffee and teas at the pantry not a leaking bathroom ceiling :-(.

At the reception counter:

I noticed that the there were few trainees at the reception with broken English but I assumed that they were Hotel Management course student. Judging by their younger looks. There were no greetings from them. It was a straight 'Yes?'. No smile no nothing. Really? Was that the first thing the uni taught you when it comes to greeting your guest? Ok,that....nevermind.

Then there was a couple who had problem with their room. I think so. A trainee attended their enquiry. Her senior assisted them after while. Mother-of-all, she spoke to the trainee as if there were no one around. Not enough with the condition of the hotel, the seniors don't even talk politely to her trainee. At least, bagi la muka kan. I think budget hotel uncle is way friendlier than this one. They should send their seniors for a hotel management training. Seriously.

That night, we went for a nice candle light dinner at Feringgi Garden. I've heard alot about this place. First impression, wow. The place reminded me alot about Sri Lanka. The interior of the restaurant make you feel as though you're in Italy? *this exaggerating* but hey, that was how I felt okay. 

The portion was quite big. In fact me and Juan ordered a plate of large lobster which at first we though we wanted to order a small one since neither of us had lobster before. We're jakun like that. So don't judge. The look of that creature itself gave me a chill.

We called the waiter and told him that we wanted to cancel our initial order. When we said we wanted to order a small lobster:

*gave a stare at Juan first*

Waiter: Small lobster is small. Not enough. *gave a grine*

He must be thinking that Juan will just swallow that whole small lobster.

Me: How big is small and how big is big?

Waiter: Eemm, like this

*showing the same size as the big and small lobster*

Me: Ok, we'll order big one. We both will share because I cannot eat much.

Waiter: Ok ok. One big lobster. Anything else?

Me: No that's all. Thank you.

 'Enough meh?'. I said 'Let's try first'. 

Then came the gigantic super lobster. 'Cam ni ja?'

As we keep digging that poor lobster, our stomach became so full that we left 1/4 of it on the plate. Could not finish it anymore. Man, the power of large lobster but surprisingly it tasted sweet. We couldn't say that the lobster tasted good because that was our first time. We aren't sure how lobster should taste like. Don't look down on that ugly sea creature next time.

Ok, the price. Ready to burn a hole in your pocket boys. The lobster we ate cost us RM140++. We ordered appetizer and it cost around RM20++. They even serve premier wagyu beef that cost RM350++. I swear I will not poop if I eat that beef. I can't say that it was a fine dining restaurant because there were loud music playing that night and you'll noticed that the guests consist of expatriate. However, we ended our night in our hotel room, watching TV with our buncit stomach.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary to us.

This is a continuation of :

A CLOTH OVER MY HEAD, A THOUSAND QUESTIONS

A CLOTH OVER MY HEAD, THE 'ALMOST THERE' JOURNEY

It was in Ramadhan 2013 when everything was at its peak. The tears and the uncertainty. I cried countless times thinking about whether or not I should make this transformation. I started going deeper about my religion.

It's so strange that as a Muslim, I know so little about my own religion that I was in fact born with. How denial I was. I was finding something that was missing but I did not know what was it. No matter what I do, no matter how much money I have, no matter how many good friends I have, no matter how happy I was, it still felt empty. Although I was married, it was still incomplete.

Learning about the do's and don'ts in Islam and the reason behind these rules are hard work. You don't just listen to talks or read books about it, you need to understand what are these rules for and the significant of it.

Then I started to be discipline in my prayers. I started praying and each pray was complimented with du'a. I pray that if this is the path that were meant for me and if this could give me the happiness that I have been seeking, I will embark no matter what comes in my way. Every single day I feel even lost in what was I supposed to do but I did not stop and gave in. I changed the things I normally do from my daily routine to something different. I started to spend more time with my parents. Sometimes being extra nice to them, it helps to ease the journey that I was about to embark. At then end of the day, no matter what you want to do, ALWAYS get your parent's blessings.

 I also consulted my aunt who had gone through this path. I recalled what she told me when I last visited her. She said 'Kalau kita betul-betul mendalami agama kita dan niat kita ada lah untuk berubah, hati kita akan dibuka oleh Allah untuk berubah. Perasaan itu akan datang sendiri. Dan pada masa tu, air mata akan mencucuri pipi bila masa kita berada di atas sejadah'. I cried *goodness, my heart is so gooey*. She also said that change come in stages, the moment we put on the hijab, everything will fall into places. So never judge a person who wears tight clothes even with hijab on her head, because we will never know probably that person could be better than us.

The way we educate the society about Islam today compared to when our Rasulullah S.A.W had done is so different. We gave the impression to society that Islam is all about implementing stringent rules to Muslims especially women. The truth is, women are consider as the most noble creature every created by Allah and they sit at the highest hierarchy of men.

I was wearing the tudung on and off just to get a hang of the feeling again. I try covering up as much as I can when I'm out.

Honest truth, it brought some different opinions on this idea among some of my Muslim friends. Some say 'Why don't you wear it when you're in office too?' *Yes, I only wear it when I'm out but not in the office*. Remember when I say change comes in stages and people go through change differently. Ultimately, the goal is the same. The destination is what most important. How you want to reach your destination is just individualistic. It's your preference. Human has a different method when it comes to achieving goal but for as long as your intention is good, pure and at the right path, just do it. Follow your heart.

It continues till this day, 2015 where I thought 'Hey, let's just do this'. I was not pressurized by friends or family. It came naturally. I was surrounded by friends who wears the hijab since high school and they're part of my encouragement in changing the way I wear and it also helps that they were encouraging me from afar. Modest. It didn't feel hard on me because I was brought up in a family that stresses modest in what we wear. Even my mum started covering her head only 2 years back. Alhamdulillah. 

So apart from wanting to be a real Muslim not just by name, I also wanted to practice the faith that I have been born and brought up with.

Donning the hijab is not just putting a piece cloth on your head whenever you wish or because everyone is doing it or because you religion told you so. It comes together with a very great responsibility. The cloth you put on your body represents and portray what your religion had taught you. Islam is a religion of peace. Perhaps of what has been portray by extremists around the world, it gave an impression to others that Islam is all about 'no'.

I had a few non-Muslim friends who asked me why Muslims need to cover their hair, I could not answer because my knowledge about Islam is not perfect. But I know why I wanted to change and Allah knows too.

The process of change requires patience, tawakal, hard work, du'a, support from the right people (family and friends) and pure intention. Change will not come if you don't seek. At times, you feel like giving up and in my case, mainly because of peer pressure but move a step back and think again why do you even want to change at the first place? Don't make the change if you think that is what required by your religion without understanding it at first. Understand, learn, embrace and practice.

The journey to be a true Muslim is not and will never be easy. At times, you think that everything is going against you, but believe me when I say as long as you're sincere in everything you do and that you do it for Him, good things will come eventually. I'm grateful that I'm given the chance by Him to go through this change. After how I was last time as a Muslim, I never thought I'll be given the chance but you know, He's the Merciful one, and no other.

When people say 'Sabar itu separuh dari iman', I now know the real meaning of the quote. To those who are still struggling, don't give up. Always pray to be given the strength to fight towards the road that Allah has lay down for you. Satan will always come around to persuade the good things you want to do but always remember that a strong will complimented with a strong faith will always win.

 Do not worry what the society may think about you,the decision you make and how you decide to change because it doesn't matter. Society don't determine whether or not you will go straight to hell or heaven. Change doesn't come overnight *Rome is not built in a day* nor change will work if you don't strive but for as long as you make the first move even the smallest one, give yourself a pat because that means Allah has chose you. Talk to Allah because He understands even before you let it out. In fact, to this date, I'm still struggling with myself but I pray that I'm given the ultimate strength to keep going along this path.

When you succeed, don't judge other people who is going through what you went through and how you were last time because you'll never know if God decided to change your heart around.

The final push is always the hardest one. It's like you're standing in both world. Pray will all your heart is the answer.

I have found the missing pieces and I hope you find yours too. Perseverance is the key.

Today is the 1st of Ramadhan and today also is the first day that I have fully embrace the hijab. To those who has supported me throughout this journey, I thank each one of you for being there for me and has been the inspirations of this change.

xoxo

Cotton lyra instant shawl by misswishwardrobe, handbag from Cath Kidston Singapore, MNG jeans and cotton long sleeve top by TLA