So my breastfeeding journey started 2 months ago, the moment Isa was born. I was really, really lucky that I'm a oversupply mum. I'm blessed with abundant of breast milk and had to pump every 2 to 3 hours. So Isa has more than enough supply of milk for the next many,many months. I even had to purchase a 80 liter chest freezer to accommodate my expressed breast milk. Whenever I open the freezer, I see lights lit up as though you opened a chest full of gold (people don't call it liquid gold for no reason).

Ok, when I was pregnant, even BEFORE I was pregnant, I imagined myself as a mother, dressing up nicely, holding my son's hand, walking around the mall. Imagine Victoria Beckham walking with her children. Hot isn't it. Well, fast forward to 9 months and after Isa was born, I'm STILL clad in T-shirt and cotton pants with nursing bra on the inside even AFTER confinement. Not to mention my clothes smells of breast milk.

What society or men imagined breast feeding is, 'how hard can it be?'. The milk will always be there, all you need to do is get the baby into the correct position and latch on. DONE! How I wish it was that simple. Breast feeding is not easy let alone for working mothers. We have to juggle between pumping and getting your work done on time.  'Drenched' in breast milk, blocked duct, engorgement, mastitis, cracked nipple, etc.

It felt like yesterday when I gave birth to Isa. And now, 2 months has past. At first, I doubt that I could produce this much of milk. I don't really have friends or family members who exclusively breast feed their baby for 1 or 2 years, so it was a wee bit hard to actually learn. So my guru was YouTube. Thank God to the person who created YouTube -__-'

I prepared myself for breastfeeding way before Isa was born. I read, talk to experienced people, watching videos. It's a different experience for each individual. Some babies manage to latch on naturally (like mine) and some are hard. Breast feeding is not hard nor easy, It depends on how you take it in.

I'm still adjusting my new role as a mum. I hardly have enough sleep due to my pumping schedule but I'm happy to do it for as long as I can provide the best for my baby. Only at certain times, when you body starts to shutdown and tired, you just want to quit. But looking at how healthy your baby is after feeding on breast milk, it makes all the hard work worth it.

SUPPORT from you friends and family are definitely the main pillar in breast feeding. You can take any milk booster you want, see the best lactation consultant there is, massage as much as possible, but if you have lack of support especially your partner, it can't work either. I've seen many of my friends just gave up on breast feeding because they don't have support from family. It's sad to see this happen especially when your body has an abundant of supply.

Breastfeeding is hard work and determination. It all comes from the mind. It's amazing how God created women. They have the ability to carry a full term baby for 9 months and produces milk as source of food for the baby. It's just....pure amazement.

Right after my marriage, 2 years ago, I didn't plan to have a baby. The plan was to travel around as husband and wife, get to know each other and do things together as halal partner. That was before. 2 years later, baby Isa was born. Truthfully, I wished that I had Isa 2 years ago. Meaning, no planning needed . It's actually nice to hear baby's cry in your house :-). Don't include the lack of sleep, by the way, the vomit on your bed, the poo and pee.

Since the birth of Isa, I have not had enough sleep. For someone like me, sleep is on top of everything else in the world. However I was prepared for that when I got pregnant. Sometimes, I lose my cool while taking care of my son due to sleep deprive. Well, I think it happens to everyone.

It was hard for the first 2 weeks because Isa was admitted to hospital due to his jaundice although it wasn't serious but doc didn't wanna take any risk. I was going up and down the hospital like mad woman. I didn't had proper pantang meal, let alone a proper rest. But I was determine. Determine to make sure that Isa's jaundice heal. So although I had to breastfeed him and pump every 2 to 3 hours, I did it. It was tired and I almost gave up. But the strength came out of no where although my body is shutting down but my mind was still going strong.

The birth of Isa has definitely gave an impact to me especially. Isa made me stronger than I was before. A strength that I thought I didn't have. I wasn't like this previously. My priority also changed. Nothing else matter except attending to Isa's need. Whatever I do, it goes back to him. He also make me realize that life is simple. All you have to do is be happy. Isa is a smile-baby. He's in the 'talking' phase now. So whenever you talk to him, he'll laugh or smile. When he wakes up, he smile too.

Now I look forward to see him end of the day. Although I had to travel to and fro on a weekly basis to Perlis, I don't mind doing it and I hope that God will give me the strength to do this for the next 1 year.

Truthfully, having a child really make a different, Your whole world changed. What you think not important, suddenly becomes important to you. Even your reading material changes -__-. That's how much of a changes. Your shopping habit also change. For Juan, his new hobby is collecting Star Wars clothes for his son. Soon our home will turn into a museum.

As I type this, #babyjedi is currently sleeping in front of the TV while my parents are away to visit the passing of our neighbor. So I'm all alone. I'm almost 2 months into motherhood but it has been nothing but amazing and a learning phase for me and Juan.

I'm very blessed to have a smooth pregnancy as well as delivery. Alhamdulillah.

It all started on the 16th Feb midnight around 11pm when me and Juan were about to head to bed. Since it was my first pregnancy, I couldn't differentiate between Brixton Hicks or a real contraction. I don't even know how Braxton Hicks feels like. I assume it was just a normal phase in a final trimester. I tried to switch position like how I normally do but this time, it didn't work. I rule out 50% that it was real labor because my expectation is that I would deliver after my DUE DATE. That's what normally happens to first time mother-to-be. I end up sitting on the couch till 4 am and that was when I felt a sharp pain, come and go, 15 to 20 minutes interval, below my abdomen. I woke Juan up and decided to head to the emergency department at the hospital.

Upon reaching the hospital, I was wheeled to a small room to check my cervix. The nurse told me that my cervix has soften, however there was no opening yet but there was mild contraction. I was hooked up onto a machine for 30 minutes to monitor the baby's heart beat. Juan was there the whole time. After that 30 minutes, the nurse confirmed that baby was in good condition and asked me if I want to be warded. I decided to go home since there was no opening.

Reaching home, I continue sitting down on the couch while Juan went back to bed. I didn't sleep till 8am when my contraction came so hard but bearable that I couldn't even close my eyes. This time, it was around 5 to 10 minutes interval. I woke Juan up and decided to head to the hospital.....AGAIN. This time, I decided to be warded.

It was 9am when I was wheeled into the labor room. It felt like forever before I was told to pushed the baby out. Everything was fine until around 12pm when the nurse came in to check on my progress. I was only 2cm dilated so they has to induced me further so that my cervix dilates faster since my water bag has broken earlier that morning without me realizing it. But I told the nurse that I felt a gush of water coming out while I was in the toilet doing my business earlier on. I thought it was my urine. So to avoid any complications, doctor decided to fasten the delivery process.

Within 15 minutes being induced, I felt as of my stomach was about to burst -__-. I told myself that this is going to be my first and last experience being pregnant. To make it worst, the nurse had to increase the dose. Within 2 hours I was dilated 7cm!!!. Woah!!!, That was the start of everything.....