This is a continuation of :

A CLOTH OVER MY HEAD, A THOUSAND QUESTIONS

A CLOTH OVER MY HEAD, THE 'ALMOST THERE' JOURNEY

It was in Ramadhan 2013 when everything was at its peak. The tears and the uncertainty. I cried countless times thinking about whether or not I should make this transformation. I started going deeper about my religion.

It's so strange that as a Muslim, I know so little about my own religion that I was in fact born with. How denial I was. I was finding something that was missing but I did not know what was it. No matter what I do, no matter how much money I have, no matter how many good friends I have, no matter how happy I was, it still felt empty. Although I was married, it was still incomplete.

Learning about the do's and don'ts in Islam and the reason behind these rules are hard work. You don't just listen to talks or read books about it, you need to understand what are these rules for and the significant of it.

Then I started to be discipline in my prayers. I started praying and each pray was complimented with du'a. I pray that if this is the path that were meant for me and if this could give me the happiness that I have been seeking, I will embark no matter what comes in my way. Every single day I feel even lost in what was I supposed to do but I did not stop and gave in. I changed the things I normally do from my daily routine to something different. I started to spend more time with my parents. Sometimes being extra nice to them, it helps to ease the journey that I was about to embark. At then end of the day, no matter what you want to do, ALWAYS get your parent's blessings.

 I also consulted my aunt who had gone through this path. I recalled what she told me when I last visited her. She said 'Kalau kita betul-betul mendalami agama kita dan niat kita ada lah untuk berubah, hati kita akan dibuka oleh Allah untuk berubah. Perasaan itu akan datang sendiri. Dan pada masa tu, air mata akan mencucuri pipi bila masa kita berada di atas sejadah'. I cried *goodness, my heart is so gooey*. She also said that change come in stages, the moment we put on the hijab, everything will fall into places. So never judge a person who wears tight clothes even with hijab on her head, because we will never know probably that person could be better than us.

The way we educate the society about Islam today compared to when our Rasulullah S.A.W had done is so different. We gave the impression to society that Islam is all about implementing stringent rules to Muslims especially women. The truth is, women are consider as the most noble creature every created by Allah and they sit at the highest hierarchy of men.

I was wearing the tudung on and off just to get a hang of the feeling again. I try covering up as much as I can when I'm out.

Honest truth, it brought some different opinions on this idea among some of my Muslim friends. Some say 'Why don't you wear it when you're in office too?' *Yes, I only wear it when I'm out but not in the office*. Remember when I say change comes in stages and people go through change differently. Ultimately, the goal is the same. The destination is what most important. How you want to reach your destination is just individualistic. It's your preference. Human has a different method when it comes to achieving goal but for as long as your intention is good, pure and at the right path, just do it. Follow your heart.

It continues till this day, 2015 where I thought 'Hey, let's just do this'. I was not pressurized by friends or family. It came naturally. I was surrounded by friends who wears the hijab since high school and they're part of my encouragement in changing the way I wear and it also helps that they were encouraging me from afar. Modest. It didn't feel hard on me because I was brought up in a family that stresses modest in what we wear. Even my mum started covering her head only 2 years back. Alhamdulillah. 

So apart from wanting to be a real Muslim not just by name, I also wanted to practice the faith that I have been born and brought up with.

Donning the hijab is not just putting a piece cloth on your head whenever you wish or because everyone is doing it or because you religion told you so. It comes together with a very great responsibility. The cloth you put on your body represents and portray what your religion had taught you. Islam is a religion of peace. Perhaps of what has been portray by extremists around the world, it gave an impression to others that Islam is all about 'no'.

I had a few non-Muslim friends who asked me why Muslims need to cover their hair, I could not answer because my knowledge about Islam is not perfect. But I know why I wanted to change and Allah knows too.

The process of change requires patience, tawakal, hard work, du'a, support from the right people (family and friends) and pure intention. Change will not come if you don't seek. At times, you feel like giving up and in my case, mainly because of peer pressure but move a step back and think again why do you even want to change at the first place? Don't make the change if you think that is what required by your religion without understanding it at first. Understand, learn, embrace and practice.

The journey to be a true Muslim is not and will never be easy. At times, you think that everything is going against you, but believe me when I say as long as you're sincere in everything you do and that you do it for Him, good things will come eventually. I'm grateful that I'm given the chance by Him to go through this change. After how I was last time as a Muslim, I never thought I'll be given the chance but you know, He's the Merciful one, and no other.

When people say 'Sabar itu separuh dari iman', I now know the real meaning of the quote. To those who are still struggling, don't give up. Always pray to be given the strength to fight towards the road that Allah has lay down for you. Satan will always come around to persuade the good things you want to do but always remember that a strong will complimented with a strong faith will always win.

 Do not worry what the society may think about you,the decision you make and how you decide to change because it doesn't matter. Society don't determine whether or not you will go straight to hell or heaven. Change doesn't come overnight *Rome is not built in a day* nor change will work if you don't strive but for as long as you make the first move even the smallest one, give yourself a pat because that means Allah has chose you. Talk to Allah because He understands even before you let it out. In fact, to this date, I'm still struggling with myself but I pray that I'm given the ultimate strength to keep going along this path.

When you succeed, don't judge other people who is going through what you went through and how you were last time because you'll never know if God decided to change your heart around.

The final push is always the hardest one. It's like you're standing in both world. Pray will all your heart is the answer.

I have found the missing pieces and I hope you find yours too. Perseverance is the key.

Today is the 1st of Ramadhan and today also is the first day that I have fully embrace the hijab. To those who has supported me throughout this journey, I thank each one of you for being there for me and has been the inspirations of this change.

xoxo

Cotton lyra instant shawl by misswishwardrobe, handbag from Cath Kidston Singapore, MNG jeans and cotton long sleeve top by TLA

I have naturally thin hair therefore finding the right shampoo is very important in making sure that my hair doesn't fall off much because I don't want to end up being Boldy Yong. I'm not a big fan of any particular shampoo brand. They're mostly trial and error usage. 

During my trip to India, I bought a few local brand products like the Himalaya. Known for its natural ingredient. I also bought myself a bottle of Garnier Triple Nutrition Strengthening Shampoo (which I think I should have bought more). This was not my first time using this brand. I have tried Garnier previously during my stay in Colombo, Sri Lanka. I bought because I did not bring my own shampoo and I loved the smell and the texture. Your hair smells good the entire day. I never had the chance to use it again in Malaysia until my recent trip to India. I was like one hell of a jakun.

So what do I love about this shampoo?

Firstly, the smell. It smells like a mixture of fruits and coconut in one bottle. Secondly, because of all the shampoo that I have tried (even Himalaya) Garnier works the best. I still have dropped hair when combing but only a a few strands not chunks of them. The smell can long the whole day and my hair felt so smooth the whole day.

"Enriched with the goodness of Olive , Almond, Coconut Oils and fruit vitamins, Triple Nutrition Range nourishes and strengthens hair from scalp, through lengths to tips, leaving hair strong, nourished, shiny and manageable."

Garnier recommended to use this shampoo together with the conditioner but I rarely use conditioner. Even without the conditioner, it still works amazingly.

Today marked our 1st anniversary as marido and esposa. So how has it been?

Well, to tell you the truth, it wasn't as bad as how some people pictured  it nor it was amazing or over the moon as how some clingy wife described it on Instagram or Facebook. For both of us, it was more about balance. There were times we smashed things on the floor *kidding* and there are times we got mushy-mushy over each other *to be fair, it was mainly me*

Juan doesn't really tell you that he cares but he express it through his actions. But after an incident (before we got married), he doesn't give me surprises anymore except if I point to him on certain occasions then the only surprise that I get is not knowing when he bought that item. Like my powerbank.

Ever since we got married, I tried to get Juan involve in some of my activities but we have our personal time once in a while. In marriage, it's good to have some 'me' time from each other. Taking a break from the daily chores. Marriage should not be a routine instead it should be something new to explore everyday.

We go for staycation or local vacation from time to time. We ask each other on how did our day went and talking random stuff. We also talk about what type of 'menantu' criteria we want to have *ok guys, that's too much*

Marriage is about learning and there's no full stop in finding out new things about your partner. Marriage is also about standing by your spouse through thick and think and that's what Juan did. Today, marriage is no longer about the wife cooks, wash, feed the baby, do the laundry, clean the house, entertain the husband all by herself. It's like business. Delegating task to ensure that the operation of the company can run smoothly, efficiently and it takes two to make sure the marriage is in order.

I couldn't be more grateful than having such a tolerant, patience and supportive husband. Looking back at what I went through during my younger days, I never thought that Allah would bring me a great husband. Although this is just worldly, but what I'm aiming for is to meet Juan in Jannah again, insyaallah. *sorry I'm not all mushy everytime. I have my machoness to jaga too, you know*

Wishing Juan a Happy 1st Anniversary. Looking forward to more 'Please feed the tortoise' chores.

I'm in the middle of changing how I look. Therefore experimenting on different looks is what I do now. I have to learn on which style would suit me.

Apart from that, I want something quick that I can just wear them especially when it comes to work wise.

I have tried these designs and would like to share with you guys. 

Crepe satin

Not sheer

Fast and easy to wear

The price is also worth the workmanship.

RM30 not including postage

To order: Whatsapp to 017-4005105 (preferably with a screenshot)

The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.

Ralph Marston

Well, I grew up in a small town called Kangar. Situated at the most up north side of Malaysia. Border to the the land of fragrance rice, Thailand.

Sawadeekap. 

Back when I was still a high school student, I've been waiting for the day I moved out of my kampung. Everything seem so marvelous for me in the big city. The shopping malls, the people, the way people dress and of course....the boys. They seems much more macho compared to the kampung boys I know. Well, so I thought things were much better in the city.

Then came the day I had to moved to where I am currently now, Penang. I didn't want to move to Kuala Lumpur thinking that it would be much further for me. I want to have the flexibility of going back to my hometown any time I want. So I settled in a state where it only requires 2 hours of drive. And also if I get kicked out by Juan, at least 2 hours of driving is not bad while crying *joking,joking*.

Living in the city for 11 years make me realized how I did not appreciate the things and the people I have around me last time. It also taught me survival skills. A skill that is important when living in an unfamiliar place.

Nowadays paddy field seems so serene to me each time I go back and I noticed the locals are much more friendly as well as my neighborhood. Everyone knows each other and every evening the elderly will seat together at the back alley of my dad's house, while chit chating with each other. Accompanied by the cold breeze. Some of them brought snacks too. These are the things we don't see in the big city. You may for some but it's a dying tradition of living together as neighbors.

In the city, most people shut their doors. So it's no surprise if they don't know their neighbor living next door. For some, you rarely see them at home. Some city people are selfish and harsh. Some are still nice people. I don't deny that.

Although I've been living in the city for 11 years, not long compared to some. I tried to remind myself not to lose the kampung girl spirit I have inside. I try not to be a selfish person instead I offer help to other people if needed and I give money to beggars instead of walking pass them. I don't want the city life consume my good values. I wish to make the world a better place by doing good things even a small one. It could change someone's life or perhaps you'll make a new friend.

Life is much more easier in small city. Cars don't honk at each other, food are rather reasonable, people walking at a slower pace. I miss my old life. My life in a school uniform.

I've never been a coffee lover but Juan is. It started off after we got married that I became so hook up with coffee. In fact now I drink coffee every single day. Even on some weekends. Juan buys packets of coffee for him to bring them to office and some to stock up at home.

I love coffee with more sweetness and milk froth and ever since I have been changing all kinds of brand but none that suits me. Just to find 'the-one'. Until..........I found the new Nescafe Blend and Brew. It was recommended by a colleague of mine. Since then, I'm sooo hooked up with this every morning.

Nescafe Blend and Brew is freshly brewed coffee with milk and natural sugar. It doesn't taste very strong but it sure give you the addiction that one cup is never enough. The taste is slightly different from the old Nescafe 3-in-1. The new Blend and Brew also comes in 3 different flavor ; Original, Mild and Rich. I prefer mine Original. How about you?

You can follow their pages for more exciting updates ; Facebook, Twitter, Homepage and YouTube.

Disclaimer : There was no animal harmed in the making of this post. Only a little terrapine forced into becoming a model :-). Meet Leo.

Lately, we all have been hearing a lot about wife being beaten by the husband, or husband got beaten by his wife (yes, it happens to men too). Worst of all is when a girlfriend is being abused by her partner when both does not even have any legal status. This issue has been out there for the longest time.

The definition of abuse can come in many form and not restricted to only physically.

".......An abusive relationship describes a relationship where one person consistently and constantly uses tactics to psychologically, physically, financially, emotionally, and sexually control and have power over another person."

Wikihow

Regardless of how long you've been in a relationship with that person, that is not a reason for letting yourself fool into continuing that relationship itself. It's about loving and respecting your body and soul. Why do you want to be a person who has no respect at all?

It's not easy nor hard to recognize an abuser. You have to be an observant. Notice the changes in behavior and take the first step before things get worst or before getting into a relationship. 

An abuser is mainly a smooth or sweet talker. They get things done by being nice to you, at first and gradually the behavior starts to change. However, this vary in each individual. An abuser might also been abused during his/her childhood time and this leads to aggressiveness in that person.

There are a few steps that you can take to recognize if you're in an abusive relationships. Do you feel the:

Loneliness

Depression

Powerlessness

Embarrassment

Shame

Anxiety

Suicidal

Fear

Isolated from family and friends

Trapped with no hope of escape

If you feel any of the above or perhaps all, take action and talk to someone. Talk to your family about this.

"...........domestic violence cases have increased 43.6 per cent from January to September this year to the 3673 cases reported, last year."

ASTRO Awani

As you get into an early stage of the relationship with an abuser, notice the communication behavior of that person. Harsh and vulgar sentences are languages used by these group of individual when they're angry and subsequently comes along with threatening sentences.

".........She also said there is an increasing ‘trend’ of men coming forward to report being victims of domestic violence, some even reaching out to her personally via social media."

Observe also how when both of you are having arguments, how will it proceed? Does your partner starts yelling, throwing harsh words at you or calling names? If yes, you are in an abusive relationship. 

".......Particularly, watch for your partner to shut down into a moody, angry sulk, with the only responses to your complaints a terse or angry answer."

Apart from this, notice if you partner is an overly jealous person. He may question you like a private investigator when you speak to an opposite gender. Most importantly, if you being kept away from your family and relatives, it's one of the sign of an abusive relationship.

An abuser is very unpredictable but watch his change in behavior. He could be treating you nicely and maybe one second later he could be intimidating.

This is very important note. Watch how he communicate with his family members.

"........If your partner is rude or dismissive to his own parents or friends, how do you think you'll be treated? Remember that, right now, while your relationship is relatively young, your partner is on good behavior. How will things be when there is no longer any need to impress you?"

".........Notice if your partner treats waiters or waitresses, taxi drivers, concierges or anyone else in the service industry disrespectfully. This is a sign that someone has a mean superiority complex. He divides the world into worthiness and unworthiness and this sense of unworthiness will soon be inflicted on you."

Adopt a zero acceptance policy for violence. If your partner ever becomes physically violent, your relationship needs to be ended immediately. Physical abuse is never "for your own good," and it's never your fault. Don't let manipulative partners bully you into feeling guilty over being hit. It's not okay, and it's most definitely a sign of an abusive relationship, and it will happen again. Get out of this relationship immediately.

End the relationship as soon as possible. Put a plan in place to end your relationship safely. Once you've made your decision, try not to struggle with your complicated feelings. Now's not the time to mourn for your failed relationship or reconsider. Now is the time to make yourself safe.