Trying to write about your journey on hijrah is like cracking your head trying to solve an Additional Math question, or harder than that.....The typing last a few seconds, follow by the backspace then it stopped....*while chomping on my Nutella cheese tart*

But, here it goes.....As I embark my journey towards finding something to cover the hole I develop spiritually, I was struggling. What was I missing? I searched so hard, consulted so many people, listening to so many religious speech, it helps at that point of time. They were only temporary motivation.

 It was between wanting to do it, must do it, or do it willingly when the time comes. It was a blend of  'must do it' and 'do it willingly when the time comes'. It was a scary journey for me. Thinking whether I have done it right and was it in line with my attitude. In fact, after donning the hijab, there'll be a 360 degree change. I didn't want to be an individual who covers their head but do not 'cover' the way they talk and act.

It was not easy although you think all you need to do is put a pin and wrap your head around. That piece of cloth represents your religion. So can I make this happen? *thinking to myself*. That thinking took me a whole of 3 years before taking this plunge. A lifetime commitment and responsibility to God. A decision where 'eh, tak jadi la nak buat' half way change does not exist.

People kept telling me 'Take your time, change when you're ready'. I process that at first, but after putting so much thought into this, I think I will never be ready for anything nor there will a perfect time for anything. It's now or never.

It was suppose to be easy for me as I was familiar with the cloth back in high school, KAFA (religious class), friends but now when it was time, it felt so strange.

'This piece of cloth will cover my head?' or 'Oh no, I had to wake up super early to get ready' or 'Ish, lecehnya' or 'Alamak, nanti orang tanya banyak questions' . That was reasons I gave to myself everytime I open my wardrobe looking at my scarf collection. This continues for the next 3 years. But the peak was during Ramadhan 2012........

Shawl and chiffon maxi dress by Poplook, handbag by Cath Kidston Singapore.